The Back-Up Guy Part II

You know how in the movies there's that girl who thinks she's better than everyone else, cleverer, more sussed and just a bit of a ...snob? And she dates these ridiculously good looking morons, even though they don't know who Alfred Hitchcock was, but they do have great arms. 

And then of course there's that friend, the good guy. The one who stands by her and tells her she's better than she thinks and sees past her snob act. The guy who doesn't have great arms, because he's too busy reading or volunteering or having a life, to go to the gym and buy a protein shake. 

He quotes Casablanca and recognises romance and doesn't give up no matter how many times she crushes him for the good looking brainless biceps. 

I was that girl, and he was my Back-Up Guy. 

I am a bitch. 

This is the part of the movie where I would rush to his window holding up the boom box or get caught in the rain running to his office (They're always running in Rom-Coms). Except I don't. Instead I see on the internet that he's moved on. 

He's found a girlfriend. 

Someone who was a better person and took a risk on the geek who knew about black and white films, had a passion for photography, and was brave enough to wear his heart on his sleeve. 

And do you know what? They look damn happy. 

But my Back-Up Guy wasn't supposed to get a girlfriend! No! He was supposed to be at my beck and call and ultimately my disposal! To massage my ego every time I felt down! 

I told you I'm a bitch.

But it felt good and safe. I was never going to fall for this fool! I was just going to enjoy him wanting me whilst all the while I wanted only to be wanted. 

I know for a fact I'm not the first girl to be in this situation. I know that all women want to feel the glow of admiration. It's the reason we buy the mascara the girl's wearing in the ad, and it's why we Instagram our selfies, before uploading them as our profile pictures. 

But why does it come down to seeking gratification from guys that we don't even like to make ourselves feel complete? 

You know I worked out that since the age of 17 I've not had more than 2 months to myself. Months where I wasn't 'seeing' or dating or at least sleeping with some guy that I didn't necessarily care about. 

And isn't that wrong? Shouldn't we feel safe in the knowledge that we are enough? Just us. 

It is true that I can count on one hand the number of single girlfriends I have. Perhaps it is the strain of so many happy couples dancing merrily on their way to Christmas and the dreaded V day that pushes us singles to swipe through tinder and keep dangling those Back-Up Guys. Out of that handful of single girlfriends it is also true that in my opinion not one of them has been truly alone for more than a matter of months either. 

And it just doesn't seem to be the same for guys, although that's a whole different debate, but why can't women find the distinction between alone and lonely? Why does it feel so good to gain the affection of even a Back-Up Guy for whom I never planned on falling for? 

Someone, well not someone, (he was The One for a very long time a long time ago) told me that love doesn't find those who are looking for it. Instead it is almost cruelly bestowed upon those who are already happy. 

Translation: Boys don't like desperate girls. They want the ones who couldn't give two hoots because they're already having so much fun! 

I challenge each and every single reading this to make yourself enough! You'll find room for love when it comes along. Throw out Tinder and the number of that guy who doesn't understand your jokes and get a life! 

As for my Back-Up Guy, it was wrong for me to ever even invent the phrase, and I deserve to fully realise what I missed out on.